5 ways to create intimacy with your partner postpartum
Since Jackson arrived many things in our home have changed. The hardest of these changes has been having less time for my husband and me to be intimate not just as lovers but as friends. Before our baby came into the world, we spent the majority of our time together playing and exploring life with one another, but now our little bundle of joy takes up most of our time and attention leaving little space for our relationship. At first, this was a huge challenge for us. I felt disconnected from Josh, and I sensed that he was resentful of how little I prioritize our relationship while navigating my role as a new mom.
One day, when Jackson was about two months old, I had a breakdown. Jackson had become distraught while riding in the car, and his crying overwhelmed me. I felt helpless hearing my baby wail, unable to understand why I could not hold him in that moment. My heart ached watching him cry. The postpartum hormones exacerbated this already difficult situation, and when it was over, my nerves were completely shot. I just wanted to hold my baby boy, cuddle him into my chest, and know that he was safe. I couldn’t stop sobbing. I felt overwhelmed and exasperated. I also felt very alone. Josh did not understand what was going on with me, and though he tried to be there for me as best he could, I didn’t feel seen or heard in that moment.
Sad and frustrated, I did the only thing I could think of, I cried to my mother telling her all that had happened that day. Hearing my pain, she gave me the best advice I have gotten since becoming a mother. She said that I needed to make time for my husband. Prioritizing staying connected to my husband not only helped me feel less alone, it helped him better understand what I was feeling. We still don’t spend time together the same way as we did before the baby, but we have found new ways to make sure our relationship gets the time and attention it needs. If you’re in a similar situation, I understand, and I’m here to help you out! Check out my five favorite ways to spend quality time with my husband with an infant in the house below.
Snuggling By The Light of The TV
Josh and I have always liked to watch movies and tv shows together. Right now we’re really into the latest season of Survivor, and we’re rewatching The Office. Once Jackson is asleep in his bassinet, we cuddle up and watch an episode or two before bed. This simple time spent together is easy to manage and gives us a tiny piece of the life we used to have. When we have busy days or we are utterly exhausted, this is a great way to spend quality time together. Cuddling creates intimacy between us without having to exert energy. We can talk, or we can just sit together. We can even fall asleep. There’s no pressure or expectation other than to just exist making it a perfect activity for busy new parents like us!
Dinner Dates With Baby
Jackson loves to be out and about, so we have been fortunate to be able to get out for dinner dates. To avoid the stress of a fussy baby in a crowded restaurant, we have dinner early and sit outside when we can. I enjoy getting to get out of the house, not having to cook or clean, and spending uninterrupted time with Josh. We have dinner together every night, but there’s something about eating in a restaurant that feels more special. It creates a perfect opportunity to put our relationship front and center giving it the pomp and circumstance it deserves.
Walking Hand in Hand
I try to take a walk every day, and I love when Josh is able to join me! With the baby in the stroller napping or watching the clouds, we have time to talk and listen to one another. Taking walks together is easy to slip into our schedule and gives us the opportunity to connect in a casual and relaxed environment. Plus movement, fresh air, and sunshine always make us feel good! Bringing this little bit of joy into our time together is especially nice when we’re feeling stressed. We get outside, get moving, and get our minds off of things like work or teething. These happy moments are a great stress reliever and an even better way to create positive space for our marriage to blossom.
Massaging Our Marriage
Another thing Josh and I like to do is give each other little massages from time to time. Physical touch plays an important role in building intimacy, but with a new baby always wanting to be the center of attention, there is not always much space for physical intimacy. Kneading Josh’s shoulders while he holds the baby, having him rub my feet while I breastfeed, or taking turns massaging each other briefly while the baby is asleep allows us an easy way to build this kind of intimacy while caring for our little boy. It also helps take care of the sore muscles that come from lugging our very chubby baby around. (This solid little guy is 18 pounds at only 4 months old!) The act of physical touch is important for staying connected, so it is very nice to have an easy way to put it into our busy days with the baby.
A Daily Dose of Appreciation
One of the best things we’ve learned to do for each other is express our appreciation out loud. As someone who often gets lost in her head, this is not always the easiest thing for me to do. It’s not that I don’t think about how much I love and appreciate my husband. I just don’t always remember to say it out loud. By making this act of love a priority each day, it has become easier to remember, and it has made a big impact on our relationship. When Josh thanks me for the things I do for our family or gives me affectionate compliments, I feel seen and connected to him. When I do the same for him, it reminds me how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband. Just a few months in, it is very evident to me that both giving and receiving these words of appreciation have truly helped us thrive as a couple and reinvigorated our marriage postpartum.
Emphasizing these simple moments together has greatly improved the connection between me and my husband. I no longer feel alone, he doesn’t seem resentful. We’re back to being the partners we used to be supporting and loving each other like we should. This bond has made the most difficult days of parenthood so much easier for us both. I am so grateful to be walking this path with Josh by my side, and I know that if we continue putting in the work, our marriage will only to continue to grow stronger and more amazing.
How do you and your significant other stay connected when life gets busy? Drop a comment below to share your favorite ways to prioritize your relationship. I can’t wait to hear from you!
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